The Gospel According to Elder Matadzakuguta

The Gospel According to Elder Matadzakuguta

Churches had been opened and mukomana was going to church every Sunday and staying behind for youth service semu ghetto yut munhu bho so. Church yandinopinda rents out this building in town. Padhuze neground rebhuza rimwe so. (Vamwe description iyo yatokwana vakupaziva). Ndaipota ndichimbodongorera hangu kubhuza kana muparidzi atanga iye obva ati hake "ndine kanyaya kapfupi pfupi"  but munhu waiita kunge uchaorera pachair. 

Mweya Mutsvene would descend go back and come back munhu asati apedza kuparidza. The day i met elder was one of these services. He was an elder from a church that congregates 30mins isu tapedza yedu service ivo vachitanga na13:30. Sezvineio, i had begun noticing for a couple of weeks kuti elder was always the first from his church to get to church. Vaida kubata Holy ghost asati amborova break in-between services i thought. 

So this one Sunday, "ndine nyaya diki diki" was preaching. I'm not hyperactive but zuva iroro preacher had managed to knock out half of the church nehope, the other quarter was fighting to stay awake. Imwe quarter was already preparing to sing the preacher to sit because anga anyanya. In an attempt to stay awake mugaya akasimuka achida kumborohwa nemhepo zve 2mins panze. I coded kune my partner in crime muchurch (007) kuti I'm going out. And in perfect sync takasimuka tikabuda. We then chilled panze padoor rechurch. Not too close to be seen. And not too far to be late to witness drama yevanhu vemuchurch medu who were about to sing the preacher to sit. 

Manyengavana approached us. Eish, Matadzakuguta. Sevarume we don't need to know each others names to have a conversation so we started talking tiri 3, the usual. Kunetsa kurikuita kurarama, fuel kukwira nekunetsa kukuita kukwira mazupco. Tataura. Gare gare munhu was comfortable around us. 

Cde Matadzakuguta laid bare his thoughts. "Munoziva vakomana, kukasika kuuya kuno haizi nyaya yekuda Mwari stereki. Pane 3 vari mupraise team menyu vanenge vanodyika, ndikungotsvaga opportunity ne opening ndipindire madam vasati vasvika kuchurch". He pointed at the 3 casually,  "vapfana mukandipa through ball ndokuitirai kasomething". So he proposed a plan one through ball a week kuchurch during youth, tofambisa shoko kuti wadiwa tomupa number musikana ozvi decidira. 007 and i were presented with a dilemma from moral standpoint. Elder had a wife, and we'd be encouraging adultary, but on the flip side. Two of the three sisters vedu veku youth were having a hard time finding munhu. Well that, and the proposed kasomething that wasn't specified yet that would come with the through ball. 

Elder vakati ndokupai nguva yekufunga and we were to come back to him before youth yedu with an answer. We went back into church but kuti titeerere zvangazvakuramba. We were fast talking on whatsapp na007 on a way forward. Isusu we were cool nazvo hedu since sisi had the option of not apping elder, but sezvineio shoko rangarafambwa naro muchurch was to be like Job and be strong against temptation. 

Haaa takanamata, mweya mutsvene probably had taken a break from "ndine nyaya diki diki" saka response wasn't as fast as we'd have wanted. We looked at each other and then resolved totamba rock paper scissors. One wedu was to be for, the other against. I had never been beaten at rock, paper, scissors na007 but zuva iroro akandirova 2 rounds dzacho ne a bonus round, he was for. 

Takangorova kafather forgive me prayer during the benediction. Church ended, we packed chairs and then went kuna Elder neDecision. He gave us 3 business cards each. Vanga vatone a high standing position kune a top company muHarare. We had made the assumption kudhara because hapana anofamba ne6L engine MuZimbabwe asina mari yeFuel. He gave us statement rekuudza bhebhi rekutanga, and we assured we'd carry out his mission. Hatina kubvunza kuti what are we getting in return hedu. Mostly because i think we were more invested in the future drama that was a strong possibility. We then went to youth hedu. Tiri two we were the ajigijas of our youth group. So takatoenda kunofambisa basa redu rekukeepa vanhu happy. 

After youth we approached sisi number one, tomuti Bev. Takaita copy and paste message yatanga tapihwa and gave her the card. Takatoseka naye and we made our swift exit. Elder was watching from the comfort of his church chair havo. And when we left Bev, he rushed out and told us to app him tomorrow morning. 
(I still talk to elder and he gave me consent to write about this, vachatoverenga futi futi vakanakidzwa) 

End of part one

007 and i parted ways iye akananga kumba inini ndakanangao kumba. I drove home.  Mangwana time dzakasvika and we were now in morning territory. 007 akandikandira runhare achisvika kuchikoro and ndichingosvikao kubasa. Takatiwirirana and we apped Elder. Hazvina kumbotora maminutes. He had given us an address yekubhuza ravaitamba nevamwe on Friday and encouraged us to be there for an update on Bev. Nyaya dzinonaka saka takatoti ehe. 007 aripa UZ res and ground rebhuza was fairly close to UZ. I worked in Strathaven, so i could pick him up toenda tese after work. That was the plan. We were 3 in a WhatsApp group naElder. Taitoona mastatus, bible qoutes. MaMessage about how he loves his wife and kids. Harare men vezera ravo ka(insert laughing emojis)! Ndakatovatadza. 

Same time he'd post madam he'd come to the group and give us tips on kuti tinyenge tibvumwe even though financially we weren't on his standing, and it might take a couple of hard years of labour to get there. MaPointer on how to pick up and be direct and still get the girl. He never lied to the girls. Vaitoudzwa kuti ndiri happily married but anenge achingoda kukuBauda(ba-u-da/bolt'ed), no feelings involved. He was direct to the point were his wife knew kuti he'd be messing around, akatomuudza kuti haagute naye. But anomuda kupfuura anyone else none the less. 

So every morning taipihwa madaily rhapsody. Ndakadzidza zvakawanda. Friday yakasvika hayo. I was very excited kunzwa kuti vanga vasvikepi naBev paye. I waited for my morning dose of gospel. Hapana chakauya. For someone aibata 9am everyday nema message of hope and lessons on kunyenga, i almost bacame worried. Kusvi afternoon he then texted achiti nhasi lesson rinenge riri in-person kubhuza. Ndakapedza basa na1630 and went to get 007. Takabva tananga bhuza. Isu pfee musports club muya. Takaona mota dzana Elder dziripo. Mota dzine mutupo dzese paye. Ivo vakuto stretcha varipama sideline. 

Ndakanyara kuparka kaskoro skoro kangu pane mota dzanga dziripo. So just as i was planning on parking other side of the carpark. Ndakaona Bev directing us to a parking spot that seemed to have been reserved for us. "NdiBev kaUyo" 007 hake akadaro tisati tati bvuu kuseka. This meant zvanga zvaendwa kana kuti main match yanga iripo later after warmup kuma bhuza. The other surprise was to find "ndine nyaya diki diki" also among the bhuza players. But ari kuopposition. (Nyaya yake ichauyao in due time) 

I parked in the spot assigned. Bev was the first to greet us. Haana hake kutaura zvakawanda she just greeted us akatiudza kuti tiri muteam ripi and that we should change because game ranga rakutanga. Takamhanya paye only to find kuti Bev angasiri ega muponderwa musaga anga aripo. We quickly identified 3 other vasikana vepa UZ. The others worked in town apparently takuudzwa nanaboss shamwari dzaElder. We had a good hour match before vana Elder nana boss looked really tired and called off the game. Iyo boot yakabva yavhurwa to find refreshments. MaCastle lite kusvika kuma Bhuleki Label. 

After cooling pahuro Elder pulled us aside vachinyatso zhinya. He had a story to tell and ngano dzevakuru dzinonakidza. We went to my car takagara paboot. Bev had wrestled with her morality futi on Sunday neMonday, Tuesday akangozobvuma kuLambastwa hake. So she contacted Elder Tuesday. Tuesday evening munhu atofambirwa match rakatotambwa. Wednesday neThursday same thing. Friday elder vakato clocka out kugraft na12 kuti vanodya kwaBev. So the agreement with Bev was kuti vanofambidzana kusvika Saturday. Then never again so as to not become emotionally attached. Havana havo kutaura kuti Bev akapihwei. Vakangoti, "vapfana the key is honesty". That was the parting message. We went home. 

Saturday yakauya yakaenda, takasangana naElder kuchurch on Sunday. Na007 takabudao pachiine nguva elder takavaona vakadya havo easy, suit and tie looking like Mudiwa Hood panyaya dzekuchena. The goal remained the same. Just a different target. Takabva tangotambidzwao envelope yanga ine "appreciation for helping him" pana Bev. Hanzi mari yevaNyai.

End of Part 2

Kungobvisa nyadzi hangu. But neruregerero vanhu vashe nekusakunyorerai. Mentau heuthi and sofothi amana. Phone yakafa and ndikuona screen yepepuru. My phone is in the bottom barrels. Elder Matadzakuguta 3. Welcome back after a haitus of unprecedented proportions. Saka regai titopinde mujugizi renyaya semunhu who had kept you in hunger this long. 

Super Sunday #2 yakasvika. The service was cool. Preaching ended early. But BMT(Black Men's Time) haina kuti tibvume kubuda muchurch nenguva. Hameno dimoni rakangobvuma kumanifesta. Apa unenge wakarohwa nehon'azi apa jah rasta vakuramba kubuda. I don't blame him. Chirungu chekusvondo changa chiri suspect at that time. Wainamatirwa nema, "henceforth go ye out". And semunhu who had a full tank panguva yacho. I needed up get message number two out. This week elder had ear marked mumwe watichati "Nunu".

Nunu was a senior of the youth group. Anga Ari a fine gal but zverudo zvaivepa easy. Takambomugaira magate ku youth but takarambidzwa namama youth advisor. So we had resorted to praying for her week in and week out. Haaa, kana dai anga ari spiritual husband he'd have felt ashamed by now. So 007 and got esthetic when Elder had identified Nunu as an eatable. Takarova spiritual mathematics and had found kuti adultery aside. Elder could maybe drive mweya wekusadiika from Nunu. 

Youth yakasvika pakupera. And as mugochi looks at his meat, you could feel the glare of Matadzakuguta from the back of your skull pierce into medulla yedu so. Seboys rine skiri, we walked Nunu to the gate. Takasvika panguva ye copy and paste. Nyaya dzedu takafambisa. Takarova prayer for forgiveness. But where else could you get a free full tank from linking munhu akuda kuita chihure nemunhu waakuda wacho.

Takarova maThrough ball ndandi. Nunu received the business card without any complaints. Takabva tamirira hedu ma daily devotionals from elder muGroup redu. 
Haaa graft torova kunge Carlos Energy, catch him on twitter @carloschitco

Monday came and went. Devotional yakatosvika, we prayed tiriko kubasa ma blessings ari abundant. We waited for Friday yakatotinonokera kusvika. Kubhuza was the goal. And shooters ndakatopotsa ndakanganwa in hopes to hear stories honest from elder. Friday came, work finished, mukomana picked up 007 and akarova mota to bhuza. We were prepared 
but not prepared enough. 

To be continued 

End of Part 3

The day was bhuza Friday. MaShooters tatapolisha kudhara. Takaenda takaenda. We were fully expecting to see Sister Nunudzaishe naElder. But it was all hezvoness tasvika paGround. We got there game risati ratanga. We were early because nyaya yaElder tanga toda kuinzwa makumbo asati opisa nekumhanyirana nemadhara aya. 

We parked paSpot that we parked last time. It later became our usual parking spot kubhuza. Only to be greeted by an all so familiar face. Bev!
According to elder, his engagements wouldn't go past a week. Saka sistren iyi yaitsvagei pano? Elder kuti havana kunakirwana naNunu zvekunodeva Bev futi?

Mathematics dzacho according to naDaily devotional from elder dzadzisikunyatso mathmetika!.We both greeted her. Came out of the car and started changing into sportswear yedu hedu. Tapedza kuchinja. Takambo stunta mumota. Trying to piece out this equation. Before tatakurana neMaths problem yacho kune mudzidzisi Elder. 

We began coming up with permutations. Circumstances on why Bev would be here. We were in the car for about 5mins tichiitisana nharo before we got surprise of the day #2. Yah hupenyu mutoro Zhakata akadetemba. 

Unoti hezvoooooo, hezvoooooo. Hezvoness. But unotozviitira mumoyo. NdiSister Nunu havo. The maths became harder. Kuita kunge mechanics dzemu part 4 civil engineering. Unobata paFloor chaipo. The situation was getting worser and worser. We greeted our sister in Christ. She looked quite calm, judging from the  way she was behaving, she knew she could trust us. 

After a quick "yangairisei week" conversation that we damn well knew we were going to repeat kuYouth on Sunday. She walked. Our eyes didn't focus much on her. We were ready to challenge the world's greatest mathmeticians before accepting defeat. Soooooo mannnyyyy possible scenarios. After a further 10mins of argument and deep thoughts and reflections. We decided to go get the straight from the source himself. Elder veVanhu. 
Say it with me. 
Elder, Matadzakuguta!

End Of Elder Matadzakuguta Series 1